1. |
body geography
04:20
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in the evening, in the blushing walls
warm light from inside the halls
revealing the peaks & valleys of my frame
under cover in the night-time dim / din
nestled in underneath my skin i’m breathing
but that chest heaving isn’t mine
radiating through the hallways just like the blood that’s always in my veins
& i’m strangled by the air i got tangled in the hair filling the room
in the morning in the cold gray gleam
clean blankets for my dirty dreams
behind me the door blows shut against the wind
sun is frigid on the shifting ground
seasons change but i’m still around
discovering the peaks & valleys of my town
& i’m turning myself over
feigning stoic / failing stomach in the hall
like the blossom autumn leaves
open up before they fall
in the jewel in the candy aisle
i am conjuring a toothless smile and finding the next dinners of my week
in the winter when the air is gone
dozing off with my jacket on
i’m hiding from calls i couldn’t bear to make
it’s exhausting just to show up
i’m lost in peaks & valleys of my pillow
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2. |
darkroom ghosts
03:17
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photo snaps no wait / weight
new exposure, stained place / same place / stay in place
i just had to look away
my screen cracked
broke my finger
i’m overwritten
in underpass
wheels fly above me
chasing distant past
all reconfigured
kicking broken glass
hundred shattered phones
overheating fast
& now i’m frozen at the dentist
push my temples raw
the woman asks for my attention
to see the inside of my jaw
i love the photos that get pale in the light
& i love the haunting of failing eyes
negatives are hung around
& jesse is melting figures down
to overwrite what’s inside
but you can see the eyes peek through
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3. |
trip downtown
02:29
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what i call myself is deemed by how i commit, come commit
i could ride down safely to Roosevelt
and be impatient with their faces down
how i commit and sell what isn’t mine
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4. |
seasons change
02:26
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inside the summer i banged on my head thinking
it would be fine if the surface were soft and
i find it funny you’d even consider
the cold light of morning cracks into the kitchen
inside the alley where we once were bitter
was the always the winter when you made it better and
we skate to lincoln park zoo in the nighttime
and i watch your face jump around with the lights
(on) the floor of my bedroom you look mighty
(Elvin) keeps switching the rhythm to keep me from settling
and i take my books and cut out all the words because
reading is easy when it’s only pictures
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5. |
geode
04:17
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quartzite in the sunroof
and amber out the window
in the morning as you drove us through the cold and waking town
and in the quarry we are just starting to dig on frozen ground
and veils of water droplets hanging in the skyline / sky light
i see it glinting as you lean your head
crystal eyes / crystallize
keepsake: our collected memories saved up in a box
keep safe: all the colors on the inside of the rocks
the fossils haven’t faded!: i can see our figures dancing in the dirt
you’re tugging on the car and i don’t wanna leave
you’ve let me turn the heat too high
i’m reminded of the evenings i spent standing the laundry steam to scared to kiss or say goodbye
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6. |
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i got the countdown right on new years!
i wasn’t looking at the clock
i’ve just been listening to silence
i’d stay here forever if you talked
& i’m scared
i want to go back!
look behind i’m nowhere near
turn the volume up too loud
but i still can barely hear
all of the spaces in between the dreams
overheating in the cold
i want to know before i’m young
i never know after i’m old
& i’m scared
[akron/family:]
together together together ahh
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7. |
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brushing
hair down
makes it hard to see where their face grew without them
brushing
past us
they try not to see how we would’ve grown without them watching
and on the tv screen i saw a woman just like me
but she broken bruised so everybody looked at me
and different jackets bought
does this one make me look hot? not in a way where people know what type of hot i am!
and we will never become who we want! and we will never become real!
crossing phrygia wearing just our boots and winter coat
& everybody guessing what we do when we get home
and we will never become who we want! and we will never become real!
i was
watching
children at target shake their heads
at their mother wanted them to want to look like when they grew up & forgot themselves
useless
smiling
zipped & tucked away
but i could not grow without it
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8. |
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9. |
two leaves (geode)
03:01
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alright i’ll look and lock down on something
when am i allowed to leave?
i keep my fist jammed in a half-full cup of Starbucks
the air forgot to let me breathe
i ate entire box of mints just to get myself to calm down & join the figures in the trees
all strung in copper gowns & sexless in the cold rain
so fast that i can see them changing just for me
when i transform into a perfect mighty woman
might i be midas in my home?
with baking bread becoming golden in the furnace?
perfect & cold & all alone
i know that soon i will be pulled away
so i allow myself two leaves
& take them home & keep them golden in the gray light
& i make sure to let them breathe
on my way home something is wafting through the figures
billowing up through the east
warmth seeping through the rain and spreading through my body
the stalest smell of baking yeast
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10. |
nudes
03:42
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how would you describe yourself?
with wet eyes and winding legs?
swaying hips and soft inhaling.
greasy hair i press my fingers through.
how would you describe your parents?
they would rather dismiss than listen
it’s scary not to love someone so they stay inside
how would you describe your body?
worth too much to give away.
but people need it! you’re still sleeping
photograph left undeveloped
how would you begin to help?
go and talk at someone else
you’re taking pictures
nude by the window
each one describes a sacrifice
ghost of your figure inside the crumpled up clothes in the corner
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Asher White Providence, Rhode Island
new shoes. birthday is feb 21 2000
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